How to Take Care of the Caregiver
Let’s be real. Self-care while being a caregiver can be challenging, but there’s 
hope.
Do you sometimes feel overwhelmed by being a caregiver for someone? In this post I’ll share three tips for caring for yourself – so the care that you do give others can be from health and love more than resentment or obligation.
Do you have aging parents, a loved one with cancer or someone you know who’s dying or medically challenged that you are at least partially if not totally responsible for? Or are you perhaps a friend who someone is relying on during a time of stress or transition?
How do you address your own life, your own needs, health, priorities, income, self-time? Is there “no time” for you? Do you sleep, eat well, rest, find your own love?
We care for others for various reasons, including love and there is nobody else, but it can also be colored by unconscious habits and much anxiety. Sometimes, if we don’t ask ourselves the following questions and face the answers, we’ll never find a way out of the sense of obligation and overwhelm that often accompanies caregiving.
| IMPORTANT TO ASK AND FACE: 1. Do you have a history of taking care of others at the sacrifice of your own health and well being? Is this a role you play? 2. Do you feel the caregiver role gives you purpose – and feel empty or worthless if not helping others? 3. Do you feel guilty when taking care of yourself? 4. Were you the child in your family who had to care for siblings, alcoholic or physically challenged parents, or otherwise? And thus feel your job in life is to be the one who is responsible for others? 5. Do you suppress your own fears, sadness, and stress to cope and care for others? 6. Do you assume the one you’re caring for is who this is all about? |
If you answered yes to any of these – and most of us on some level feel an aspect of these questions to be true – then you may be surprised at my next sentence. Because you answered yes, there is hope. Why?
Each of the questions above are answered by beliefs, feelings, and perceptions. These are mostly learned and conditioned by life’s past experiences. Thus they can be seen through, let go of, unlearned or healed. Not always easily, but doable. After thousands of hours of coaching clients worldwide, I can tell you without doubt, it is possible to step beyond.
Feelings, beliefs, and perceptions are experienced, but are not the essence of who you are and yet have felt more true to you than the truth of your own soul. Here, my dear friend, begins the journey of opening to your own soul, your own life, your own being, your own freedom. From here you can learn to care for others, not driven by history, but rather by love or simple serene presence.
In my coaching sessions we walk down this path step by step and unhook these beliefs, feelings, and roles, but here are a few ways to begin caring for yourself right now.
| 3 TIPS: 1. Before assuming that those you’re caring for want everything done for them, learn to ask them more. It empowers them and creates a deeper and more mutual relationship. It honors their soul journey to still be present if they choose. It also wakes you up from the unconscious habit of playing the “helper or savior” role. 2. Be sure to have someone in your life who can simply listen to your feelings that the caregiving stirs up. Ask them to listen without judgement or attempting to fix you. If you don’t have anyone, lovingly train someone. Be specific and say, “Right now I feel so much. Would you be willing to just be with me for a bit? I would deeply appreciate it.” Or your own words. This support is essential for your own processing, self-acceptance, and return to your own being. 3. Recognize that for you this opportunity to care for someone is ultimately about you. How you love and perceive yourself, others, and life itself. It is an opportunity for you to know life and the profound sense of being alive even amidst death, dying, or simply the challenges of caregiving. |
The challenge of caring for another soul is a treasure chest of being touched by life. At times, it can feel like hell itself, but if you learn to manage your self-care: even if by a moment in nature, or a break from the care, calling a friend, and allowing yourself the humanness of your feelings without judgment, you may discover a renewed strength and the surprise way that caregiving brings you closer to the profound sense of being alive.
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