ASK DAVID: Why Won’t Anger and Fear Leave Me?

In these ASK DAVID posts I respond to questions sent to me about letting go and finding the freedom of our deepest nature.

QUESTION
How does one let go of anger and fear on a daily basis, when even knowing that it’s destructive doesn’t stop the emotions and thoughts from arising?

ANSWER
Logic and simply knowing that emotions can be destructive won’t usually help in letting go. One must go deeper than only the rational mind to find freedom. This is what The Sedona Method is designed for.

First: You may be unconsciously acting addicted to anger and fear. People thrive on the adrenaline and drama to feel alive. It serves them to have a sense of self, an identity, like victim or other roles. They even fear who they’d be without these roles and feelings. Is this familiar? But as you can imagine, keeping these roles and feelings unfortunately require the anger and fear to continue. Who you are beyond the habitual emotions is freedom itself.

Second: Although we speak of the feelings in singular ways, they may be tethered to a deeper issue from childhood that you keep attempting to resolve, fix, or control in your adult life by thrusting this issue on unsuspecting people who cross your path: friends, loved ones, partners, family and even strangers. Basically, you project that issue onto the whole movie screen of life. Don’t beat yourself up for it. It was innocent, but once you realize it and face it, you now have choice.  

THREE SOLUTIONS

1. Be sure to let yourself off the hook if you’re wasting precious energy judging yourself for this issue or dilemma, like “I should be free of this by now” or “Why can’t I let this go!” You simply haven’t found the key to turn yet. But you’re here reading. Good job. So put down the whip and give yourself a welcome break.

2. You may be expecting releasing to work with too little effort on your part. Perhaps just thinking “I let this anger go” isn’t working for you. Unfortunately, this is not enough. It takes willfully sitting down and looking at what you are wanting, i.e. control etc. and facing this with honesty, and letting go with loyalty to your own happiness, rather than addiction to drama.

3. Be frankly honest with yourself. Does the situation triggering anger or fear remind you of circumstances from your early life? Your father, mother, being ignored, abandoned, abused, all creating distrust of the world, of men or of women? We unknowingly project a past reality onto our current moment, looking at life through our glasses of the past. The tragedy is that by reacting from your past history, regardless of what’s happening in the present, you internally reassemble your past experience and sometimes contribute to your external world fitting your gloomy expectations. Even worse, you miss what may be a different experience in the present moment available to you.

The good news is that following any of the above suggestions can help. Letting go requires simplicity, i.e. Ask yourself these simple questions, “What is the issue creating these feelings? Ask what am I wanting beneath it all? Allow that to be true for a moment. Take a full breath, then let go of the “wanting” as best you can. Then REPEAT without self-judgement – until a quieting or softening comes.

In private coaching sessions, this is exactly what we do, unravel the addiction to old emotions until you experience a shift into peace and a greater sense of who you are even in your daily life. Contact me to discuss coaching at a special springtime cost, to find your greater freedom of life.

David Ellzey is a Coach and one of four global Sedona Method Instructors, a Best-Selling Author and Noted Speaker. Find out if Conscious Coaching is right for you.

Contact David for a free 30-Minute Consultation. CLICK